I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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