If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
