My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
