My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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