Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
