In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
