mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
