Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
