She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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