so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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