omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
