Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
