Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Randomize
