Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
