Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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