Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize