maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
