she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
