I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
did you just send me my own nude
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
