I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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