if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
