when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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