Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
