booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
