i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
