Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
