I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
