i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
