Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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