I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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