Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
