I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
