so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
