watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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