On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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