I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
