Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
