if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
