you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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