Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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