why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Can you bring me the toilet please
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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