Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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