I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
