sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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