it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
