UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
everyone is single if you try hard enough
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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