I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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