pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
