Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
