the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
