I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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