last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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