SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
