Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
