you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
