well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
