Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
