Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
