Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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