i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
