did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
