i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
babies were throwing up all over the place
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
