That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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