You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
