she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
