Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
