found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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