I am full of burrito and curiosity
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
