Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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