maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
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Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
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Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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