we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
