ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
