I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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