i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
