i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
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yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
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I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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