roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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